I'm at school right now...kinda. No classes for me (I kinda miss them actually, well, some of them anyway.) I had some time off from work, so I figured it would be good to get away for a little while and take my mind off of things, visit some friends, things like that. It was a pretty dang long ride out here on a motorcycle though. It's definitely good to see friends again though, and this place still feels like home.
I've been learning a lot about myself lately. About how I should live...not because someone tells me too, but because it's healthy for me and for those around me. I'm learning to respect myself, my future wife, and girls in general. God's grace has been amazing. I'm learning to love and to accept God's love and let it flow through me. God wanted to teach me all of these things a while ago, but I was too caught up living for myself and I wasn't listening, and it has cost me dearly. Maybe I'll be able to keep focused on God now and not on living for myself. I would hope that that lesson sticks after experiencing this much pain because of it.
Peace.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Saturday, August 26, 2006
no quiero decir adios
No quiero decir adios
Quiero decir nos vemos o buenas noches
Adios causa tanto dolar al corazon
Adios es muy dificil
Creo que no tenemos que decir adios
Podemos hablar más
Podemos amar más
Puede confiarme otra vez
La vida no debe tener tanto dolor
Dolor que es tan facíl para evitar
Como podemos lastimas ellos que amamos tanto?
Quiero decir nos vemos o buenas noches
Adios causa tanto dolar al corazon
Adios es muy dificil
Creo que no tenemos que decir adios
Podemos hablar más
Podemos amar más
Puede confiarme otra vez
La vida no debe tener tanto dolor
Dolor que es tan facíl para evitar
Como podemos lastimas ellos que amamos tanto?
Friday, August 25, 2006
pain
Why is it that we often have to go through a very painful time in order to learn the things that we need to learn?
Kind of a stupid question I guess. It's because we don't listen when things are going well. I think God has been trying to tell me a lot of these things for a long time, I just haven't been listening, so he had to punch me in the face and let me do something really stupid and painful to get my attention.
Hopefully this will teach me to learn better in the future. One thing is for sure, I'm a lot closer to God now than I have been in a long time, but that doesn't change the fact that this is a very painful time....my heart hurts so much.
God's teaching me a lot about not living for myself, because I've been doing that for a long time. He hasn't been first on the list for quite a while. I'm learning to live for him, and then for others, and not to think about myself so much.
I'm also making changes in certain things that I do to ensure that I stay away from the things that have caused me trouble in the past...wish I would have done this a long time ago.
Kind of a stupid question I guess. It's because we don't listen when things are going well. I think God has been trying to tell me a lot of these things for a long time, I just haven't been listening, so he had to punch me in the face and let me do something really stupid and painful to get my attention.
Hopefully this will teach me to learn better in the future. One thing is for sure, I'm a lot closer to God now than I have been in a long time, but that doesn't change the fact that this is a very painful time....my heart hurts so much.
God's teaching me a lot about not living for myself, because I've been doing that for a long time. He hasn't been first on the list for quite a while. I'm learning to live for him, and then for others, and not to think about myself so much.
I'm also making changes in certain things that I do to ensure that I stay away from the things that have caused me trouble in the past...wish I would have done this a long time ago.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Kingdom of Heaven
I watched Kingdom of Heaven tonight-great movie.
Watching it made me want to do theatre.
There were a lot of great quotes, and maybe I'll watch it again and write them down and share some of them here, but one of them that hit me was something along the lines of "a man is not a man unless he tries to make the world better."
What am I doing to make the world better? To an extent don't I need to make myself better first? I think I have some issues to take care of before I think I'm really ready to make the world better. I've caused too much pain and heartache, things have to change.
The main character's wife recently committed suicide because her child died...how incredibly painful that must be. I didn't know my heart was capable of feeling the pain it feels now, but that pain must be far more intense than what I'm feeling...hard to imagine.
Watching it made me want to do theatre.
There were a lot of great quotes, and maybe I'll watch it again and write them down and share some of them here, but one of them that hit me was something along the lines of "a man is not a man unless he tries to make the world better."
What am I doing to make the world better? To an extent don't I need to make myself better first? I think I have some issues to take care of before I think I'm really ready to make the world better. I've caused too much pain and heartache, things have to change.
The main character's wife recently committed suicide because her child died...how incredibly painful that must be. I didn't know my heart was capable of feeling the pain it feels now, but that pain must be far more intense than what I'm feeling...hard to imagine.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
self denial
My RD from school is a very wise man...even though he is only about 2 years older than me. For graduation he gave me a book about self-denial called "In the Shadow of the Cross". I wish that I had read it then. I just picked it up today, but if I had read it sooner and taken its message to heart, I wouldn't be going through all the pain I'm dealing with now.
I made some mistakes this weekend and I'm paying dearly for it now. It hurts so much, it's hard to have faith that life will be normal again. God has been good though. He has definitely used this to draw me closer to him, and he is already beginning to show me some of the peace that I am praying for.
I lost the best thing I ever had. I don't want to move on. I don't want to fall in love again. I don't want to believe that anything else could ever come close to this.
I made some mistakes this weekend and I'm paying dearly for it now. It hurts so much, it's hard to have faith that life will be normal again. God has been good though. He has definitely used this to draw me closer to him, and he is already beginning to show me some of the peace that I am praying for.
I lost the best thing I ever had. I don't want to move on. I don't want to fall in love again. I don't want to believe that anything else could ever come close to this.
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