ummm....

01 May Blog
Happy May Day! (It's a lot bigger deal here than in the states-a lot of people don't work today.)
No deep thoughts on my mind right now, but I guess I'll start writing and see where I end up. I finished that McLaren book, and he has some great thoughts, but I can't put anymore quotes here because I lent the book out to someone. The next book in that series is called "The Last Word and the Word After That" and there was a small excerpt from it in the back of "The Story..." In the excerpt, the main character (who is a pastor) faces a college age daughter who is doubting her faith. She says something along the lines of "If Christianity is true, then most people are going to spend eternity in hell." Of course, there are more open versions of Christianity (such as pluralism or universalism), but most people hold a pretty exclusivist view, and I'm anxious to read the book and see how McLaren treats the issue. I deal with it through accepting some form of pluralism, but I'm not sure exactly how to define it yet. Actually, I'm not sure what I believe about heaven and hell, so usually when I'm trying to explain this part of my belief to someone it goes something like "If there is a heaven and a hell, then I believe that there are other ways to get to heaven than "accepting Jesus Christ as one's personal Lord and Savior" and being baptized in the name of the Father Son and Holy Spirit. This is obviously a different belief than I grew up with, and I know some of you are going to want to remind me that Jesus says "I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Life, no one comes to the Father except through me." Trust me, I haven't forgotten, and like I said, I'm still trying to work this out, but one potential way of dealing with this is through the possibility of Jesus saving people who don't accept him as lord and savior. I have a good friend who is a universalist, and while I'm not quite willing to go that far, I have some issues with the exclusivism that most people believe as well.
I was talking with a good friend the other night about faith and beliefs and how we often don't talk about what we believe with those who are close to us. Most Christians believe that everyone in their church believes very similarly to how they do, so they never talk about it, they never ask each other challenging questions, they just take it for granted that the people around them have the same beliefs that they do. I try to be pretty intentional about having these conversations. I think part of that is because I questioned a lot of the beliefs that I grew up with, and talking about things is a really good way for me to think about them and to process the thoughts that I do have.
I did quite a bit of reading this past week. I can't remember reading a sci-fi book since about fifth grade, but I read two this past week. They were recommended by a good friend who has made good recommendations in the past, so I brought them down with me. The two books are "Ender's Game" and "Speaker For the Dead", both by Orson Scott Card. They are both great books, and I thoroughly enjoyed both of them. I had a really hard time putting them down. I finished "Ender's Game" within 24 hours after starting it (I didn't get much sleep that night) and started "Speaker" immediately. Good stuff...and a little lighter reading than I've been doing lately, so that was a nice change, although they are quite thought-provoking for sci-fi stuff (I guess that's not really a fair statement, since I haven't read much sci-fi). Anyway, I'd definitely recommend them, although I'm not sure they make it into my top ten. Now I'm reading a couple of Tolstoy's short stories, and I've finally gotten back into "A People's History of the United States."
I'm going to open up now, and I'm not sure why. I guess because I want to talk about this with someone and it's easier to tell my problems to a computer than to a person. A computer can't judge me :) I'm not as happy as I could be here. Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful place and there are wonderful things going on, and there are a lot of great people here...but I could be happier. I think I'm just feeling lonely. Some of that is probably due to the chain of events that led to me being here instead of in California. I've met some great people, but the best ones all leave after a day of two, and I haven't gotten really close to anyone who is here for longer than that. I've heard a few Christians say that we have to be completely content with our relationship with God, and that we shouldn't need anything more than that, but I honestly think that statement is shit. God didn't create us to live in isolation; he created us to live in community. We are "created" in the image of God, and God doesn't live an isolated life, he lives in the community of the Trinity. Anyway, I guess all I have to say is that I'm feeling lonely, and I can't do much about it. I guess that's not entirely true. I can invest in the lives of the people that live here, and try to make some good friends in town here. But at the same time I leave in two months and it will be very hard to keep in touch with the people I leave behind. The culture also makes it a little difficult. I think I understand now what it was like for the kids who came to my school as international students. I feel really at home in the culture here, and with the language as well (for the most part), I hate it that the people here view me as an outsider, especially when I go to other towns and I'm viewed as a tourist. I know, I technically still am a visitor and a tourist, but I certainly don't feel like it anymore. Anyway, that gap makes it hard for me to relate really well with the people here and to get to know them really well. I hope that my relationships with the people here are going to grow a lot in the next two months, but it's difficult.
Wow...this is probably the worst entry I've written in a while...all over the place and nothing terribly deep or profound, but hopefully you were able to take something from it, and hopefully you'll leave me a comment so that I know it :)
Peace.