Panajachel

So I wrote out this big long entry this morning so I could copy and paste it when I came to use the internet, but I forgot the adapter I need to do that, so now I'm going to rewrite the whole thing (I think). Good thing I'm in Panajachel and internet is cheap and fast. Oh yeah, I'm here to hang out with the LASP group for a little while, but they don't get in for a few hours...
It's been a pretty good week, defnitely different than any I've had so far. There was a group of doctors here, and they were in different communities throughout the week seeing patients, and since they don't speak Spanish, I was translating for them. Monday I was the only on translating, because everyone else was gone, and it was crazy. They had three different stations, and a "pharmacy" where they were passing out medicine., and they all needed translation, so I was running from station to station, basically translating nonstop. Thankfully all of the patients spoke Spanish, so we didn't have to do any double translating. The rest of the week we had some patients that didn't know Spanish (only one of the Mayan languages, of which there are 22 (but only 3 in this area), so we had to do some double translating, but then there were other people translating from Spanish to English too, so it was more doable.
I've gone out a few times with soe of the family that I live with and tried to do some dancing, but I definitely need to practice. I did some salsa last night, but it was different than the salsa I had learned in the past. I should try to get them to give me dancing lessons in the house...they would probably love it, and I could use the help.
There was a group of 4 LASP students here this week, and one instructor, and now the whole group is coming to Pana (which is why I'm here). There are only 29 students this time! (It's usually around 50.)
I finally finished reading Brothers Karamazov. I would highly recommend it. The plot gets pretty intense near the end, and I couldn't put it down. Dostoevsky is a great writer. There is one scene where the "devil" visits one of the characters, and they have some fascinating conversations. The character is starting to lose his mind at this point, and isn't sure whether it's really a devil, or a figment of his imagination.
One of the LASP students asked me what I thought it meant to be blessed, and after talking about the beatitudes, and how they tell us that being blessed is far different from how we usually think about it, I hypothesized that the things we often see as curses, such as persecution or poverty or war, may be more like blessings; for these things make life more real, and they force us to be more real. It's easy for me to be down here helping people when it doesn't cause me any hardship. I'm not poor because I'm here, and no one is shooting at me or stabbing me or making threats on my life. I would like to think that I would still be here if those things were happening, but I don't know if I really would. If I was here anyway, it would show that it is really important to me, and it would make what I'm doing here a lot more real and meaningful. By contrast, the easy life I grew up with is in some ways a curse. A life like that makes it far to easy to be fake, to belive what you're told, and to not be real in what you do or believe. A day or two after that conversation, I came across the section in Brothers Karamazov where the devil vists, and the devil says "(People) suffer, of course...but then they live, they live a real life, not a fantastic one, for suffering is life. Without suffering what would be the pleasure of it? It would be transformed into an endless church service; it would be holy but tedious." I like this philosophy, but it raises issues with the Christian belief in an afterlife without suffering. This afterlife would be "holy, but tedious" Maybe it will be ok, because we suffer in this life, so if we still have memories of suffering when we move on to the next life, we would be able to enjoy life there.
After I finished that book, I started reading "The Story We Find Ourselves In" by Brian McLaren. It's pretty intriguing. At least it makes me feel ok that my beliefs aren't exactly the same as what I grew up with, with what I was told is the right way to believe. Interestingly enough, he also talks about what it means to be blessed. He brings in the story of Abraham, and how he was blessed "instrumentally"-so that he may be a blessing to others.Abraham's blessing is to be a blessing to others. I wish McLaren would have gone into this a little more than he did, but he didn't, so I will. God didn't tell Abraham that he would give him a lot of material possessions, or that he would never let him suffer. I have a feeling that Abraham got pretty excited whn God said " I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great". At this point, Abraham is probably thinking "All right! This sounds wonderful!", but I think his tone probabyl changed a little when God said " you will be a blessing...and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you". Part of Abraham probably didn't want to share this blessing, especially once he realized how hard it is to be a blessing to those around you, let alone to the rest of the earth. McLaren says " When religions assume that their adherents are chosen only to be blessed, and forget that they are blessed to be a blessing, they distort their identity, and they drift from God's calling for them. When they assume that they are blessed exclusively rather than instrumentally, when they see themselves as blessed to the exclusion of others rather than for the benefit of others, they become part of the problem instead of the solution." I agree, and I think that Christians do a really good job at preaching and believing an exclusive blessing. If someone wants to be blessed, we need to convert them, so that we can bring them into the circvle or blessing, because that cirlce can only contain Christians. We think that if we want to be really good Christians, we need to convert a lot of poeple so that more people can be blessed. We need to drastically change this mindset, and realize that non-Christians can be blessed too, and that it is really our responsibility as Christians to bless others.
I'm not through with the book yet, but I would recommend it so far. It will challenge you no matter what you believe, and I like the way he's setting up the story that we find ourselves in...even if I don't agree with each part of it.
We went cliff jumping today...the first time in almost 2 months that I've been able to go, and I only jumped once, because when I hit the water something happened to my ear (the same thing used to happen sometimes wakeboarding), and now I can't hear very well out of my right ear, and it's causing me a bit of discomfort. I'm just not having the best of luck with this cliff jumping thing.
I tried to watch the two meteor showers that are taking place right now, but it's hard to find a good dark place...sad day. We did have a big storm roll through yesterday, so that was cool.
That's all for this week.
Peace.
Be a blessing.

back in Guate

Sorry it's been so long. I tried to update in Mexico, but for some reason I'm not able to post from my pocket pc, and now I lost the post that I wrote there. I don't feel like I have a lot to write about. I hardly read while I was in Mexico, so I'm still working on Brothers Karamazov, and it's still great, but I should be done soon.

Depending on who reads this, it might scare some people and surprise others. Being in Mexico was not an all around good experience. Parts of it were great, but other parts were not so good. Part of what wasn't good is that I don't feel comfortable being a spiritual leader to a bunch of high schoolers that come from prett conservative churches around the US, and that's supposed to be part of my role there. I still believe in God, and in Christ, but my ideas about salvation and what it means to follow Christ probably wouldn't match up so well with what World Servants believes and with what most of the people who go on World Servants trips believe. I didn't feel very comfortable there, I felt like I had to put a mask on every morning and not be who I really was. Maybe that means I need to change, or maybe it means that I shouldn't be working with that organization. Of course I'm always open to the idea that I need to change, because there will always be ways in which I should change, but sometimes it's tough to figure out in which ways I need to change.

I'm a much different person than I was when I worked with WS last. I think most of the changes that I've made in my life have been for the better. I'm more socially aware, more concerned with social justice, and generally more loving, although I'm still an ass sometimes.

On to a completely different subject: I was talking with a friend from California the other day, and he is planning to drive from Cali to the Southern end of Chile, starting in Januay or February. I told him I might just have to join him for that...we'll see.

I think I get more confused about what to do with my life with each day that goes by. Maybe I should apply to the Peace Corps or something to give myself couple more years to figure things out :). Maybe I'll never really figure it out, maybe I'll keep bouncing around from one thing to another my whole life. I think I'd be ok with that, as long as I spend enough time in one place to build good relationships that are going to last. I don't want to be starting all over with new friends every couple of years. Maybe someday I'll find myself doing something that I want to do for the rest of my life, but as of now I have no idea what that might be, though I think that if it were anything, it would probably be in Latin America...Vamos a ver.

Well, I think that's all for this week, I'll try to post again in about a week...until then post some comments so I know you're reading this and so that we can all take some of these ideas a little further.

Peace.