Sorry it's been so long. I tried to update in Mexico, but for some reason I'm not able to post from my pocket pc, and now I lost the post that I wrote there. I don't feel like I have a lot to write about. I hardly read while I was in Mexico, so I'm still working on Brothers Karamazov, and it's still great, but I should be done soon.
Depending on who reads this, it might scare some people and surprise others. Being in Mexico was not an all around good experience. Parts of it were great, but other parts were not so good. Part of what wasn't good is that I don't feel comfortable being a spiritual leader to a bunch of high schoolers that come from prett conservative churches around the US, and that's supposed to be part of my role there. I still believe in God, and in Christ, but my ideas about salvation and what it means to follow Christ probably wouldn't match up so well with what World Servants believes and with what most of the people who go on World Servants trips believe. I didn't feel very comfortable there, I felt like I had to put a mask on every morning and not be who I really was. Maybe that means I need to change, or maybe it means that I shouldn't be working with that organization. Of course I'm always open to the idea that I need to change, because there will always be ways in which I should change, but sometimes it's tough to figure out in which ways I need to change.
I'm a much different person than I was when I worked with WS last. I think most of the changes that I've made in my life have been for the better. I'm more socially aware, more concerned with social justice, and generally more loving, although I'm still an ass sometimes.
On to a completely different subject: I was talking with a friend from California the other day, and he is planning to drive from Cali to the Southern end of Chile, starting in Januay or February. I told him I might just have to join him for that...we'll see.
I think I get more confused about what to do with my life with each day that goes by. Maybe I should apply to the Peace Corps or something to give myself couple more years to figure things out :). Maybe I'll never really figure it out, maybe I'll keep bouncing around from one thing to another my whole life. I think I'd be ok with that, as long as I spend enough time in one place to build good relationships that are going to last. I don't want to be starting all over with new friends every couple of years. Maybe someday I'll find myself doing something that I want to do for the rest of my life, but as of now I have no idea what that might be, though I think that if it were anything, it would probably be in Latin America...Vamos a ver.
Well, I think that's all for this week, I'll try to post again in about a week...until then post some comments so I know you're reading this and so that we can all take some of these ideas a little further.
Peace.
3 comments:
Hey Steve, I haven't checked here in a while, it's good to see you're still posting. My heart breaks a little bit to hear that you're struggling with what to do next in life, partly because I'm in a similar position. How ARE we supposed to know which direction to go? It seems every day I have a new idea and a new possiblity crosses my path, which one should I pursue...? Ah well, I think that we should email, that is if the busy "Guatemalan" has time. :P
Hasta,
Mary Beth
Hey you were a great leader, and don't worry about trying to be someone you are not. I am at the same place with a lot of where you are spiritually.. well as far as I can tell. Just because they aren't exactly where you are, doesn't mean you don't have so much to teach them and challenge them with. The idea is being an example by being confident in what you believe. Personally, I have more respect for the devout muslim than the waffling Christian. Maybe thats just me. and btw you are gonna do amazing things so dream big.. but like you said as good as the nomad life is.. its hard to make solid relationships.. I can tell you that one from experience. So pick your battle, or find someone to stick with as your nomad buddy.. :P
Bendiciones
Feliz
Steve,
...I've been reading, but it's taken a couple of days to come back and comment...
Many of us, your friends of similar age, are facing some of the same thoughts, frustrations, and fears. I know I've certainly been thinking through a lot of things and struggling to define where I'm at.
So far, I've come up with very few answers. I'm increasingly convinced that a relationship with Christ is neither the "I-accepted-Jesus-into-my-heart-when-I-was-ten-and-it-has-no-bearing-on-my-life-whatsoever" Christianity so prevalent in the United States; nor, to me, is it the "I-serve-other-people-and-constantly-give-my-life-away-so-I'm-OK-with-God" version that many others throughout the world constantly preach. I'm not so sure that I find either of those extremes in the Bible.
I can't quite compose all of my thoughts in a "comment post," so I'm not really going to try. However, in one sentence, the Christianity that I am seeing more and more of in the Bible means "knowing God in every aspect and every part of my life." That's where I'm at right now. I've got to know him when I'm working for a paycheck and when I'm giving my time in service. I need to know him when I'm living with the rich and living with the poor. Quite simply, one extreme is not more virtuous than the other--if I'm knowing God, it's all virtous.
Hopefully we'll soon get a chance to speak in person. Recently, I'm very encouraged to go directly to God for these answers; I truly believe that He is capable of communicating with me. Pray for me that I can hear His direction for my life, and I'll do the same for you.
Take care, my brother,
Joshua
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